Newcastle United, West Ham, Premier League, Round 33, Newcastle vs West Ham

Player Ratings: Newcastle United 2 – 2 West Hame (05/07/2020)

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Newcastle United were hoping to build upon a fantastic performance against Bournemouth in the week as they took on West Ham United in round 33 of this Premier League season.

This was a slightly scrappy affair with Newcastle United containing the lion’s share of possession (57%). What is clear to see is Steve Bruce’s tactical changes paying dividends, as Newcastle are starting to hold onto the ball far better than in the previous half of the season. It seems to be two touch football as United are far more fluid in moving the ball around.

The tactical change in having 4 at the back as opposed to 5 is something that is also working out nicely for United as they seem far more geared to take the game to the opposition as opposed to waiting for chances to appear. Having said that, West Ham did well to contain ASM (as much as possible) – Moyes rightly predicted United’s approach in attacking down the right hand side and was able (for the most part) to deal with it.

So without further ado, here are your match ratings.

Martin Dubravka: 7/10

Decent game from Dubravka as he pulled off 5 saves, most notably was an excellent stop against Yarmolenko late on. He will be slightly irked with the first goal, that was a result of a defensive mishap from skipper Lascelles. Not much he could do for the second goal as a rebound fell kindly to Soucek.

Javier Manquillo: 6.5/10

Made the joint most tackles with 4 and had a pass completion rate of 78%. Overall a decent afternoon for the Spaniard who has solidified his spot in the team through sheer determination.

Jamaal Lascelles: 5.5/10

Unfortunately a forgettable afternoon for the skipper who committed a blunder for West Ham’s first goal. His attempt to almost, backheel the ball away ended disastrously as the ball fell kindly to Antonio, who duly slotted home. Managed to pick himself up after that, which is testament to his leadership ability and had a decent game there on in.

Federico Fernandez: 6.5/10

Found wanting for the Soucek goal but overall another solid performance from Fernandez. Won 6 aerial duels, the most in the team as he keeps showing his determination for the badge.

Emil Krafth: 7/10 (Assist)

Another good game from Emil Krafth as he continues to improve and find his feet in English top flight football. Put in a wonderful ball for Almiron who scored United’s first goal. He’ll be pleased with his afternoon and so will Steve Bruce.

Isaac Hayden: 7/10

Got injured and was subbed in the 43rd minute but was having a decent game up until then. He made 4 tackles, some of which were crunching encounters. His positional play is fantastic and it just keeps improving. His high football IQ is helping United to better control the midfield and is constantly increasing his value to this side. No doubt, a player Newcastle have to hang on to

Jonjo Shelvey: 8/10 (Goal) – Man of the Match

Newcastle’s best player on the pitch against West Ham. Was spraying the ball about wonderfully and took the situation in his hands to score United’s second, moments after conceding to West Ham. The talent is there, he’ll be hoping to consistently display it.

Miguel Almiron: 7.5/10 (Goal)

Another goal for Miggy who is improving under Steve Bruce. He continues to work hard and run very intelligent lines into open spaces. Always has a smile on his face and put smiles on the faces of plenty Newcastle fans around the globe.

Allan Saint-Maximin: 7/10

Was tightly marked on Sunday afternoon and took some big knocks. Nonetheless, a good performance from Newcastle’s wonder man who is attracting attention from other big clubs abroad. This isn’t surprising as ASM has plenty to offer and is only going to improve as time goes on.   

Joelinton: 6.5/10

Was played out wide again, as he looks much better in a supporting role. Played a creative part in both goals but I am sure he will be itching to get more goals himself. Worked hard as he won 3 aerial duels and made 3 tackles.

Dwight Gayle: 7/10 (Assist)

Decent afternoon for Gayle, most notably as he tee’d up Shelvey for the second goal. Worked hard and had a pass competition rate of 87%.

Substitutes (Must play over 20 minutes to receive a rating)

Nabil Bentaleb: 7/10 (43′ minute sub)
Technically sound on the ball and had a good afternoon on the pitch. Passed the ball soundly with an 88% competition rate.

Valentino Lazaro: 6/10 (69′ minute sub)
Quite afternoon for Lazaro – not much to report on.

Matt Ritchie: 6/10 (70′ minute sub)
Nothing worth reporting back home for.

Andy Carroll: N/A

Newcastle Takeover Dictionary – Understanding The Terminology

Premier League

Okay wow. You actually clicked on this link…


The NUFC Takeover has entered week 139, you’re desperate and it’s safe to assume that you have Newcastle Takeover Syndrome (NTS).

Unfortunately, an NTS diagnosis doesn’t come with a handbook of explanations. Consequently, the terminology associated with this awful condition is unknown. It’s fairly new to the scientific world so studies are still relatively juvenile in essence.

Observing this desperate need, I thought I’d attempt to abate much of the harm being inflicted upon these poor souls and do a little deep-dive research. I pulled out the key phrases being thrown around and tried to explain what they actually mean in colloquial language.

Below is a list of phrases you’ve seen catching the headlines, here are their ACTUAL meanings.


1) ‘In the coming weeks’ – Early stages of the syndrome, this phrase is extremely common and earns about a million article clicks a day. Here’s a formula you didn’t know of, great deception = great ad revenue. ‘In the coming weeks’ could mean next week, but it could also mean in 2046, because there are also weeks in that year too. I even checked on my calendar, it’s real.

2) ‘In the coming days’ – Ha. So this is a classic. It raises the heartbeat a bit. Reading it on Tuesday makes you expect a Friday announcement. But what few people know is that ‘Days’ spelt backwards is ‘Syad’, which is an acronym for “Sit Your Ass Down” – meaning, get comfortable lads and lasses, it’s going to be while. I am not a conspiracy theorist, but come on…

3) ‘Imminent‘ – Big word this. Makes them seem like they know what they’re talking about. You’ve probably heard it used in your life before like ‘your promotion is imminent’ or ‘imminent salary increase’. But ask yourself, was it imminent – if your answer is ‘yes’, you’re lying and should change your profession to producing click-bait articles 😀

4) ‘Expect an announcement in…’ – I have purposefully left this sentence incomplete as the number of periods is completely irrelevant. It could be ‘weeks’ or ‘days’, all you have to do is refer to the points 1 & 2. This phrase is open ended, as it allows the author of the article to just paint on a blank canvas. In all honesty, the author can just pass the blame on to you having ‘unreasonable expectations’ – something Newcastle United fans get told ALL. THE. TIME. 😦

5) ‘Soon’ – Short and sweet. Just like the time any of Newcastle’s decent players spend at the club.

6) ‘Newcastle Takeover’ – the daddy of all daddy’s. The cat’s pyjama’s. The fact that you even read past these words in ANY sentence at all just shows you have the same syndrome as I do – NTS. ‘Newcastle Takeover’ is a the key catchphrase in the North East and has generated MILLIONS in ad revenue. Could it be because of my ignorance that I keep reading these articles? Yes. But does it feel good being linked with Vince McMahon and having the possibility of seeing Matt Ritchie (and his magic hat) with Allan Saint-Maximin on a tag team at WrestleMania – yes. So take what you will from that.

If you feel that there are any phrases left out, please comment below and provide us with their actual meanings – we’d all be grateful.



Player Ratings: Newcastle United 4 – 1 Bournemouth (01/07/2020)

Premier League
Newcastle United, Bournemouth, Premier League, Dwight Gayle, Allan Saint-Maximin
Dwight Gayle scores his 100th Career Goal

WOW. What else can be said? That was by far Newcastle United’s best performance of the season. An absolute stellar display of football accompanied by some extraordinary goals. United were passing the ball around like it was Barcelona 2011 – one could observe the two touch football that was being played for the lion’s share of the game. Countless times the cry “PASS IT” was hurled from the side-line as Steve Bruce was encouraging his side to move the ball around.

A new paragraph must be initiated here to honour and bestow a massive amount of credit upon Steve Bruce and what he has done. A change in tactics just before the lockdown has seen his Magpie side go undefeated in 5 Premier League games, amassing 11 points from a possible 15. Now, this may not seem special if you’re not a Newcastle fan – but if you have been supporting this club for some time, you’ll accept that it’s not a common occurrence.

So without further ado, here are your match ratings.

Martin Dubravka: 8/10

Not a busy afternoon for the honourable Geordie goal-stopper. He’ll be frustrated with Newcastle conceding a goal in the 93rd minute but not his fault by any means. Nonetheless, rock solid from Dubravka – what an asset he is to this club.

Javier Manquillo: 8.5/10

A player who keeps improving as each week goes by! Solid performance from Manquillo who worked that flank up and down. Showing more diversity to his game as he completed 2 dribbles and had an 89% pass completion rate. He has earned his renewed contract at the club!

Jamaal Lascelles: 8/10

Our skipper is constantly improving, this is evidenced by another decent performance. He keeps that back line in shape and is a real cornerstone for this team. Lascelles is developing as a leader and most certainly has the respect of his team mates and fans alike. No doubt he’ll be pleased with the way his team performed last night!

Federico Fernandez: 8/10

Arguably Newcastle’s best CB at the moment. Started the season off with not even making the bench and has now clawed his way back into being one of the first names on the team sheet. What is noticeable, is passion for the shirt and his desire to win – something that is ALWAYS well received on Tyne side. Brilliant performance from the Argentinian.

Emil Krafth: 8/10

A surprise selection but didn’t disappoint. Made the most tackles out of the back four (3) and worked that right flank brilliantly, often linking up well with Allan Saint-Maximin. He has improved drastically since his first few performances and here’s to hoping he continues to improve!

Nabil Bentaleb: 8.5/10

An unsung hero last night, for what was an incredible performance! Worked hard the whole evening, making the most tackles in the team (5) and sharing the spoils for highest pass completion rate with 89%. He needed this performance and he should be well pleased with himself!

Jonjo Shelvey: 8.5/10 (Assist)

This man can. pass. a. ball. Really enjoyable to see Jonjo spraying the ball around and it looked like he was having fun out there. Aside from getting an assist one thing that stood out yesterday was his passion. It seems like Newcastle United has continued to grow on him and he could be at the club for some time!

Sean Longstaff: 8.5/10 (Goal)

Very unfortunate to get injured in the 33rd minutes as was having an incredible game. Won the ball back which initiated the play for Gayle’s goal and also produced a lovely finish after some mesmerising dribbling from Allan Saint-Maximin. Hopefully the local lad continues to get better and better!

Allan Saint-Maximin: 10/10 (3x Assists) – Man of the Match

It’s hard to describe this man! What a remarkable performance from a very, very special player. Dribbling aside, ASM is an incredibly intelligent football player. Just observe the runs he makes in and between the lines, how he is able to pull players out of position creating space for others – it’s an often overlooked part of his game. Newcastle are going to struggle to keep hold of this talent. 3x Man of the Match awards and all thoroughly deserved!

Joelinton: 8/10

Was much better out wide in a supporting position. Looked far more comfortable and it definitely suits him to NOT be isolated up top. Worked as hard as ever and just an overall solid performance from the lad! He’ll take a lot of confidence from this performance and it may very well see Steve Bruce move him out wide permanently, or at least not have him up top alone.

Dwight Gayle: 8.5/10 (Goal)

After missing a sitter against Manchester City, Gayle most certainly redeemed himself with a wonderful & composed finish after receiving a pass from ASM. It was also his 100th career goal, so ultimately a very special evening for him. He has now scored 2 goals in 2 Premier League matches and is most certainly knocking on the door for consistent game time! Very happy for him and he’ll be hoping to finish the season with more goals to his name!

Substitutes (Must play over 20 minutes to receive a rating)

Almiron: 8.5/10 (33′ minute sub) Goal
Came on in the 33rd minute and had a fantastic performance scoring marvellous goal for Newcastle’s third. Was a fantastic performance from Miggy and well deserved as his hard work pays off!

Carroll: 7/10 (62′ minute sub)
Solid performance from the local lad. Came on and worked hard from the moment his boots hit that pitch. Won 5 aerial duels and was unlucky not to score after good link up play with Shelvey!

Valentino Lazaro: 8/10 (62′ minute sub) Goal
The young man’s best performance in a black & white shirt thus far! Used his pace very cleverly down the right flank and scored an absolute cracker. Moments after scoring he also hit the post with another thunderous strike! Exciting revelations from him!

Isaac Hayden: N/A
DeAndre Yedlin: N/A

Allan Saint-Maximin terrorises Bournemouth players