Newcastle Takeover Dictionary – Understanding The Terminology

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Okay wow. You actually clicked on this link…


The NUFC Takeover has entered week 139, you’re desperate and it’s safe to assume that you have Newcastle Takeover Syndrome (NTS).

Unfortunately, an NTS diagnosis doesn’t come with a handbook of explanations. Consequently, the terminology associated with this awful condition is unknown. It’s fairly new to the scientific world so studies are still relatively juvenile in essence.

Observing this desperate need, I thought I’d attempt to abate much of the harm being inflicted upon these poor souls and do a little deep-dive research. I pulled out the key phrases being thrown around and tried to explain what they actually mean in colloquial language.

Below is a list of phrases you’ve seen catching the headlines, here are their ACTUAL meanings.


1) ‘In the coming weeks’ – Early stages of the syndrome, this phrase is extremely common and earns about a million article clicks a day. Here’s a formula you didn’t know of, great deception = great ad revenue. ‘In the coming weeks’ could mean next week, but it could also mean in 2046, because there are also weeks in that year too. I even checked on my calendar, it’s real.

2) ‘In the coming days’ – Ha. So this is a classic. It raises the heartbeat a bit. Reading it on Tuesday makes you expect a Friday announcement. But what few people know is that ‘Days’ spelt backwards is ‘Syad’, which is an acronym for “Sit Your Ass Down” – meaning, get comfortable lads and lasses, it’s going to be while. I am not a conspiracy theorist, but come on…

3) ‘Imminent‘ – Big word this. Makes them seem like they know what they’re talking about. You’ve probably heard it used in your life before like ‘your promotion is imminent’ or ‘imminent salary increase’. But ask yourself, was it imminent – if your answer is ‘yes’, you’re lying and should change your profession to producing click-bait articles 😀

4) ‘Expect an announcement in…’ – I have purposefully left this sentence incomplete as the number of periods is completely irrelevant. It could be ‘weeks’ or ‘days’, all you have to do is refer to the points 1 & 2. This phrase is open ended, as it allows the author of the article to just paint on a blank canvas. In all honesty, the author can just pass the blame on to you having ‘unreasonable expectations’ – something Newcastle United fans get told ALL. THE. TIME. 😦

5) ‘Soon’ – Short and sweet. Just like the time any of Newcastle’s decent players spend at the club.

6) ‘Newcastle Takeover’ – the daddy of all daddy’s. The cat’s pyjama’s. The fact that you even read past these words in ANY sentence at all just shows you have the same syndrome as I do – NTS. ‘Newcastle Takeover’ is a the key catchphrase in the North East and has generated MILLIONS in ad revenue. Could it be because of my ignorance that I keep reading these articles? Yes. But does it feel good being linked with Vince McMahon and having the possibility of seeing Matt Ritchie (and his magic hat) with Allan Saint-Maximin on a tag team at WrestleMania – yes. So take what you will from that.

If you feel that there are any phrases left out, please comment below and provide us with their actual meanings – we’d all be grateful.



Newcastle United’s Top 10 Kits of All Time

Premier League

This is obviously a highly debated and subjective topic. Nonetheless, it’s good to reminisce on some of the highlights of Newcastle United’s history. Over the last 5 decades Newcastle have been lacking in silverware, but one aspect where United always seem to show up, is dapper kits.

Few jerseys in football have been as iconic as the black & white stripes of Newcastle United since switching to the magpie colours in 1894. We could have made a list of the top 30 kits and we’d still miss out on some epic ones. So, please feel free to comment and let us know of your favourite kits or ones you may have owned throughout the years.

Without further ado, here are ToonTalk’s top 10 Newcastle United kits of all time:

10) 1993-1995 Away Kit (Asics):

Newcastle United, Away kit, 1993, Blue, Asics
Admiral Blue, Newcastle United Away kit

This kit was an Asics master piece. Playing off the admiral blue you’ll find on the torso of the Eurasion Magpie, this kit was a fantastic change kit for United. Sponsored by McEwan’s Lager and accompanied by a black collar & blue socks, this was United’s first away kit at the dawn of the Premier League era – and we think it was a beauty.

9) 1992/1993 Away Kit (Umbro)

Newcastle United, 1992 away kit, yellow and green newcastle, Mcewans lager
Newcastle United 1992 Yellow & Gold Away Kit

The green and yellow combination dates back to the 1960’s and has reared it’s head from time to time in Newcastle away kits. Upon closer inspection, this specific kit, has unobtrusive green triangles in the background of the shirt. The jersey is accompanied by green shorts and collars, with yellow and green socks – McEwan’s Lager being the sponsor. This jersey paved the way for other yellow kits that were to follow in the years ahead.

8) 1993-1995 Home Kit (Asics)

Andy Cole, Newcastle United, Home kit, Asics, 1993, Tyne Bridge
Andy Cole scores for Newcastle United

This iconic kit was a worldwide sensation. The iconic Brown Ale’s blue star with the Tyne Bridge on it was etched into the memory of all Newcastle United fans. The first thought that springs to mind is Andy Cole’s sensational season, where he amassed an incredible 41 goals. Newcastle went on to finish 3rd in the Premier League, thus qualifying for Champions League football. Such an iconic shirt is only worthy of playing at the peak of club football.

7) 1969-1973 Home Kit

Newcastle United, Home kit, Malcom Macdonald, 1970
Malcom Macdonald in Newcastle United’s Home Kit 1970’s

A black and white master piece. This simple yet elegant kit set the tone for Newcastle United dress-wear for the decades to come. In the Summer of 1971, Joe Harvey signed Malcom Macdonald for £180,000 from Luton Town as he became a figure attached to this iconic kit. Supermac went on to be United’s top scorer for 4 seasons in a row, subsequently writing his name into Newcastle United’s history books.

6) 2009/2010 Away Kit (Adidas)

Newcastle United, Yellow jersey, yellow kit, bananas in pyjamas, 2010, Andy Carroll
Andy Carroll scores in Newcastle United’s away kit 2009/2010 season

This kit was met with a few gasps at first sight, and the Toon Army were soon to be dubbed the ‘Bananas in Pyjamas’. But this kit grew on Newcastle fans and was the uniform of an up and coming young Newcastle striker, Andy Carroll. Led by Chris Hughton, Newcastle comfortably won the Championship division to secure promotion back into the Premier League. This kit was a play off our previous yellow kits, and although Adidas took a leap of faith in producing this – they got it spot on.

5) 1932-1958 Home kit

Newcastle United, 1932 home kit, Winston Churchill, Newcastle FA Cup
Winston Churchill shakes hands with Jacki Milburn

Newcastle’s last successful era, as they won 4 FA Cup’s with this jersey, two of them being back to back in 1951 & 1952. United wore this kit for 26 years and with it’s loose fitting, baggy design, Newcastle cemented itself as one of the biggest clubs in the UK. Wouldn’t mind winning some silverware now, mind you.

4) 2013/2014 Members Kit (Puma)

Newcastle United, Members kit, Yohan Cabaye, 2013
Newcastle United Members Kit 2013

An instant sensation, this kit worn for a friendly against Braga took Newcastle fans by storm. It was Puma’s best creation for United by a country mile. A black and white kit that wasn’t striped – many fans would have loved to have seen this as our home kit for a season. Nonetheless, it was only worn for 90 minutes and then available for sale to members. One of the few highlights of the Ashley era at United.

3) 1995/1996 Away Kit (Adidas)

Newcastle United, Away Kit, 1996, Adidas, Newcastle Brown Ale, Newcastle Jersey
David Ginola in Newcastle United’s 1996 Away Kit

One of the most popular united kit’s of all time. Still worn by a plethora of fans, globally. This kit wasn’t only a classic for Newcastle, but ranks as one of the best away kits since the inception of the Premier League. Not only that, but this kit was worn by a team of superstars who were incredibly unlucky not to win silverware during their tenure at United. With the infamous Brown Ale as the sponsor, this jersey was accompanied seamlessly by white shorts and striped socks – mouth watering.

2) 1999/2000 Home Kit (Adidas)

1999, Newcastle United, Home kit, Adidas, Newcastle Brown Ale
Alan Shearer scores in Newcastle’s 1999 Home Kit

This kit was impeccably designed and also an instant classic. The blue trim was the icing on the cake and made this kit one of Newcastle’s most iconic. What accompanied this kit was even more special – the arrival of Sir Bobby Robson, the darling of the North East.

1) 1995/1996 Home Kit (Adidas)

Newcastle United, 1995 Home kit, Adidas, Newcastle Brown Ale
Peter, Ant & Dec in Newcastle’s legendary 1995/1996 Home Kit

Yes, you guessed it right. What else could it be? With the likes of Beardsley, Ferdinand, Ginola, Gillespie, Peacock, Clark, Asprilla etc. United unfortunately finished runners up this season, but what a team and what a kit. Lets hope they can produce some more amazing kits in the near future! But more so, lets hope Newcastle can generate teams that challenge for silverware that is oh so deserved for the Toon Army and well over due.

We are sure we have missed some saucy kits off this list, so please feel free to comment below! Howay man.

Year 2104: Newcastle fans assured that takeover to be announced “Next Monday” by newspapers.

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It’s a warm summers evening, 12 June 2104, and John Smithers (born in Jesmond) has just turned 102. Sitting on his couch, he yells out – “Alexa!! Has the takeover happened yet?”, to which she replies “Nee, wor John. But the papers are reporting that next Monday, it’s definitely going to be announced.”. Hearing this for the millionth time, still brings John some excitement as he imagines Diego Messi (Leo Messi’s great grandson) in the black & white. Good times are coming back to the North East…


What is most impressive in John’s eyes, is that Mike Ashley has been in charge for 97 years. Yes, can you believe it, 97 years – he just “can’t find a suitable buyer”, apparently. After finding out the takeover has been delayed just ‘another few days’, John is interested in further updates on the club; Alexa relays the following:

1) Newcastle United still have no comment on the takeover rumour.
2) Andy Carroll is injured.
3) St James’ Park was renamed, ‘Ashley’s Arena’ in 2052. This was in attempt to ‘attract potential new owners’.
4) Shola Ameobi is manager (at least some good news).
5) Matty Longstaff is still on £250 a week.
6) We haven’t played Sunderland since 2017. The Mackems find themselves in National League North now… tragic.
7) Amanda Staveley is still seated in the stands.
8) The world doesn’t use oil anymore…

Take what you will from the above facts, but there is absolutely no doubt that the imminent takeover will be announced…. next Monday.

Alan Pardew: Newcastle United’s most unfairly treated manager.

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Some might see this headline and dismiss this article right off the bat. But bear with me for a few minutes and you’ll see why I think this title is perfectly justified.

As a backdrop, it is good to remember that when it comes to managers, a sacking is only as good as the replacement. I remember having this debate over and over again in 2014, when fans were calling for Pardew’s head. My argument was never that he was the best manager, but rather, who would replace him? Football fans often think that situations can never get worse, but this is a fallacy. We have seen all too often that they can; Portsmouth & Sunderland are just two prime examples of that.

Towards the end of Pardew’s tenure at Newcastle, the scene at St James’ Park was utterly toxic. The Chronicle commented, “This was arguably the worst personal abuse a Newcastle manager has had to endure…”, and they were very right in asserting so. A dedicated website was setup, “sackpardew.com” as well as tens of thousands of cards being printed and waved at the stadium calling for his departure. The abuse he took was second to none and I’d like to address why it was misplaced and unjustified at its core.

alan pardew headbutt

Contemplating the lows of Pardew’s time at United.

I believe first and foremost it was his character that didn’t sit well with the Geordie faithful, and understandably so. Coupled with this, he isn’t from the North East, which can earn one a few extra mercy points when being dealt with. Pardew was often seen as a ‘yes-man’ that folded under the control of, and essentially his boss, Mike Ashley. I do however see a mitigate here in that it was his boss, this isn’t redundancy. I ask myself, how many of us reading this article stand up to our bosses when it could potentially cost us our job and therefore our livelihood’s. It’s often easy in these situations to expect others to do it, but unfortunately we do not hold ourselves to these same high standards.

In parallel with this was a few pitch-side stunts that were unfathomable in all honesty. Most notably was his head-butting of David Meyler, which was almost incomprehensible at the time. I remember watching it and having to rewind the TV to see if it really happened… unfortunately for Pardew there are no mitigates for these sorts of occurrences. It was completely inexcusable and a Premier League manager should be held to a much higher standard. Accordingly, he received the toughest managerial punishment in Premier League history with a 7 match ban and a £60,000 fine.

Referring to his side’s performances, Pardew, like many Newcastle managers in the last 2 decades failed miserably when it came to cup runs. Newcastle never made it past the 4th round in either the FA Cup or the League cup. There were also certain periods of his stewardship where the football was one-dimensional and Newcastle found themselves lingering at the bottom of the Premier League table; however we were never relegated during his tenure.

Assessing Pardew’s successes at United.

Alan Pardew had many significant accomplishments during his tenure at Newcastle. Most memorably was his 5th place finish in the 2011/2012 season. Given the relative spend of Newcastle compared to other clubs, this was nothing short of incredible. There is no other way to describe it. Newcastle also played some of the most fantastic football that season, carving up the Premier League’s biggest sides in impressive fashion. He still holds the highest Premier League finish Newcastle has had in over 16 years – noteworthy at the very least.

Subsequent to Newcastle finishing 5th, United qualified for the Europa league where he guided us to a very impressive quarter final finish. This is the only European football United has had in 13 years. Although the Premier League run was poor this season, Pardew can hardly take all of the blame for this. With poor investment in a very thin squad, losing our best striker, Demba Ba, to Chelsea as well as the heavily burdensome fixtures of playing Thursday night Europa football – I believe we did well to finish 5 points clear of relegation.

An aspect that Pardew never gets enough credit for are his transfers during his time at United. He signed some of the best players Newcastle have bought in 2 decades, and this aspect is all too often overlooked. Just to list a few, and please note the amount paid for each player: Ayoze Perez (£1.6m), Yohan Cabaye (£4.17m), Moussa Sissoko (£1.6m), Jamaal Lascelles (£4.17m), Mathieu Debuchy (£5.17m), Demba Ba (Free) and Davide Santon (£4.7m). This is nothing short of incredible, and I think any manager would be happy at snapping up these players for the above price-tags.

Pardew also had phenomenal personal achievements whilst managing the Toon Army, ones that you seldom hear regurgitated like his failures are. He was the first Newcastle United manager ever to win the ‘Premier League Manager of the Season’ award (he is also only the second English manager to win it) and likewise, he is also the first Newcastle United manager to win the League Managers Association Manager of the Year award. Coupled with this, he won two ‘Premier League Manager of the Month’ awards, one more than Rafa Benitez and he joins the only other two Newcastle managers who have won it, Sir Bobby Robson and Kevin Keegan.


Now, post reading this, does this sound like someone who is the ‘most terrible manager’; one who some have made Pardew out to be. This sounds at best a decent manager and at worst a mediocre one. But unfortunately, mob-mentality sometimes reigns amongst football fans. I think that the frustration during this time at Newcastle United was completely misplaced. It should have been directed elsewhere and it won’t take a football pundit to know who I am referring to. Managing Newcastle United is like sailing a ship with one arm tied behind your back – the manager is extremely limited in what they can achieve. Without the appropriate backing and support from the owners, you are destined for either failure or premature departure. For reference, just google Kevin Keegan’s comments of the difficulties that come with the job.

Lastly, and with reference to one of my opening statements, a sacking of a manager is only as good as his replacement. There is a common phrase, ‘the grass isn’t always greener on the other side’ and this could not have been more appropriate at the time. Securing a top manager under this current ownership is near impossible. Rafa was an anomaly amongst a host of failed attempts. Pardew wasn’t the greatest, that’s not the point of this article, but he was good enough and the vile, personal abuse he took was completely unwarranted. What followed was his departure, and the passing over to the not so ‘green-grass’ of Steve McClaren, and we all know how that one ended.

The cases for and against the return of Rafa Benitez

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Takeover speculation has sparked all sorts of rumours and debates amongst Newcastle fans. Alongside possible transfer budgets & targets, a hotly debated topic is that of ‘who should take the reins under the prospective ownership’. The three most prominent names in this discussion are the continuation of Steve Bruce, Mauricio Pochettino and the return of Rafa Benitez. In this article, we will discuss the cases both for and against the return of Rafa.

AGAINST:

We ran a poll where close to 1000 Newcastle fans voiced their opinion on preference of new management. It was very close, but most preferred the arrival of Pochettino as opposed to the return of Rafa. Now, we don’t conclude for a second that this represents the sentiments of all Newcastle fans, however subsection polls can be great insights into preferences if extrapolated out appropriately. Below were the three salient reasons for not wanting Rafa back.

1) Rafa left us for money’:

This comment has been floating around since the day Benitez decided not to renew his contract and leave for China. There are valid concerns here and some have felt this was a red flag – a sign of disloyalty towards Newcastle.

We do know that he is on copious amounts of money out East but there are a few mitigates here that are worth considering. Most noteworthy, was that Rafa was fed up under the current ownership and he isn’t the first manager to feel this way and act accordingly. Lack of ambition and frustrations in dealing with both Lee Charnley and Mike Ashley are often cited as the salient points. This is credible, but the most plausible reason for his departure would be a combination of both large monetary offers abroad and the difficulties with ownership on Tynseside.


2) Defensive football:

Rafa has been criticised for his defensive approach to football. Newcastle, which has a history (quite a few years ago now,) of attacking football has seen a change in the general trend of tactics as the Mike Ashley years have gone by. Rafa learned much of his tactical prowess from Italian legend Arrigo Sacchi, who coached the famous AC Milan side that won back-to-back Champions League titles in ’89 & ’90. This model of football is centred around the ideology of distinctly organised attacking formations as well as zonal defensive marking, which succeeded the typical man-to-man marking in Italy at the time. ‘Organised attacking’ setups can often be detrimental to the fluidity of play and we have seen Rafa (not only at his time in Newcastle) more than happy to ‘shut-up-shop’ and frustrate opposing teams with tightly knit defensive structures and limited go forward ball. Some believe, that if massive amounts of transfer funds are available, and given that more talented players could be purchased, Rafa won’t bring that riveting, exciting football to St James’.

In Rafa’s defence (no pun intended), he didn’t have the world greatest players at his disposal whilst in charge. On top of that, it was his tactics that kept us in the Premier League and even secured us a top 10 finish, which well surpassed the expectations of many.


3) It’s time to move on:

Some believe that the prospective new dawn for United should usher in a fresh set of minds. Pochettino is the most heavily linked name to Newcastle and his stellar resume precedes him; with successful stints at both Southampton and Tottenham Hotspur, he’s considered a top tier manager, and rightly so. There is good grounding for those apprehensive of Rafa’s return to St James’; as a fellow fan correctly pointed out that managerial returns are seldom successful and more often than not, complete failures.

In parallel, there is the option to continue as is with Steve Bruce. He’s a Geordie, loves Newcastle United and seems to be one of the nicest blokes in football. But is he the right man to take Newcastle forward? Can Bruce take the Toon Army onto bigger and brighter things? Most fans don’t seem to think so.


FOR:

Rafa managed to capture the heart of the entire city during his tenure at Newcastle United. Post Sir Bobby Robson, it would be fair to say he has been the most adored boss. Managers in years gone by have found it difficult to work with the current ownership but Rafa managed to outperform his predecessors, albeit with little transfer funds available. Here are a few pointers advocating for the return of Rafa:

1) Rafa is a great manager with a proven track record:

Few argue that Rafa isn’t an accomplished manager. His track record speaks for itself, with successful stints at Valencia, Liverpool, Napoli and most recently Newcastle United. He has won the most coveted of club trophies, the Champions League as well as an often forgotten accolade – the La Liga with Valencia. This is an incredible feat in a league that is completely dominated by Barcelona and Real Madrid.

If the supposed takeover happens, one would want a manager that has experience on the grandest of stages – Rafa most certainly has this. He is also highly ambitious and isn’t happy with mid-table finishes or relegation survival. This is clearly evidenced by his fall out with Newcastle’s current ownership, and was his main justification for leaving to China. Further to this, is Rafa’s knowledge and love for Newcastle. He knows this club and what it means to its fans around the world, bringing him back would not be a complete reset but would instead make assimilation with new owners far more streamlined.

2) He stuck with us through relegation:

Some tend to overlook this but it is a pertinent point to consider. Rafa’s loyalty has been questioned by many and understandably so, but we cannot forget how he stayed with the club after we were relegated in 2016. Benitez is not someone who would be found short of job offers, so one may argue that him staying does speak volumes for his loyalty towards United. It is also worth considering that we won the EFL that next season and were subsequently promoted back to the Premier League. Would this have been the case had he had gone and another manager were brought in? There is a possibility that Newcastle could have turned out very similar to that small club in red, down the road.


3) Unfinished business

Rafa has unfinished business at Newcastle United. He had a clear vision for the club – to see it back in the top 4 of English football and playing across Europe. Unfortunately, he was not given the tools to achieve this and by Mike Ashley’s own admission, Newcastle cannot spend the way City, Chelsea, Liverpool etc. do. He finished 10th in his first full season in charge of Newcastle in the Premier League, albeit with a squad that was barely Premier League worthy. Many fans want to see what Rafa can achieve if and when given the financial backing. He is a man who is well connected in Europe and has a decent record with player transfers. He is not a manager who is asking for excessive amounts of transfer funds but rather adequate backing to amass a competitive squad.


In conclusion, whether one is for or against the return of Rafa Benitez, one thing is clear, under this current ownership, United is very limited in what it can achieve. When considering a manager, one should always do it relatively. For example, a successful sacking of a manager is only as good as his replacement and accordingly the successful hiring of a manager is only as a good as the replacement opportunities forgone. In economics this is called an ‘opportunity cost’. So if Rafa is given the bosses seat in lieu of Steve Bruce, many would deem this as ideal. But if it was instead of Pep Guardiola, then we may be having a different discussion.

At the end of the day, this is all very wishful thinking and hopeful talk. Having a great manager without supportive owners is building a house on sand, and this is what Newcastle have been trying to do for many years now.